Friday, April 21, 2006

Can't a brother get a table dance?

By John McMullen

I always snicker when celebrities like Barbara Streisand or Alec Baldwin threaten to move out of the country because they don't like the way things are going.

I mean I don't think there are a lot of other options for self-important, talentless clods - at least options that will pay seven figures.

In America, that's a cottage industry.

But, after reading about what happened to Moe Williams, I'm starting to think about heading north of the border myself.

In case you missed it, the former Minnesota Vikings running back was found guilty of disorderly conduct on Thursday.

For what?........Touching the breasts of a dancer in a public space during the infamous "Love Boat" cruise on Lake Minnetonka.

Now granted, a jury found him not guilty of two other misdemeanors -- indecent conduct and lewd or lascivious behavior -- but I don't want to live in a country where I can't fondle a stripper.

Isn't that what you are supposed to do?

Isn't that what makes this country great (at least for men)?

In fact, at the risk of alerting Alberto Gonzales, I've done it in at least seven states.

And as my trusted colleague, Tim McManus, deadpanned..........I'm probably wanted in four of them.

The point is, I spent nearly a decade in Minneapolis and Williams is one of the true good guys in sports. And in case you haven't noticed, there aren't a ton of class guys littering the sports world anymore.

Everyone in the Minnesota sports scene knows what kind of person Williams is, but that didn't stop prosecutors from making Moe sound like Caligula.

The district attorney described the party as "a floating orgy" in which women on the boat changed into thong underwear and bras, gave players lap dances and, in some cases, stripped naked.

They said the crew was frightened and intimidated. (Right).

And yet, Williams was the only one taken to trial....Does that make sense to you?

Yes, Williams is a heterosexual that was in a testosterone-charged environment, and I have little doubt he touched the aforementioned breast.

So what?!

His biggest crime was not inviting me. And you can bet he will be getting a call about that.

-You can reach John McMullen at
-Photo courtesy of Craig Odegard - Minnesota Sports Update
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